Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
