I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
