he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
