apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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