The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
