I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
