Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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