Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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