Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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