I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
