I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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