I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
