Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ladies don't puke and tell
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
