You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I AM VODKA MAN
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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