you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
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