Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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