Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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