If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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