Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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