I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
