How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
