idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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