Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
