C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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