you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I want a musical about memes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
