he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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