woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
