Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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