Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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