I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
