On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize