Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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