billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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