but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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