Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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