Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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