Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
