she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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