He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
