The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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