He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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