She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
