believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
