never play flip cup with pint glasses
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
