omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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