and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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