Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
