And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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