Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
