Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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