Your dad touched me again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
