Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
