Your mouth is God's brothel.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
