There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
