I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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