I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
