You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
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Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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