I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
