How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
did you just send me my own nude
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
