ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
