Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So drunk its hurt
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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