I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
